Spice up your love life! How can you create the most delicious atmosphere for romance? Turn your next meal for two into an opportunity to experience the effectiveness of sexually stimulating aphrodisiacs you can find on the shelves of your local food store. Who knew grocery shopping could be so sexy?
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Although Aries' fast and furious manner can be sexy, brevity can lead to bedroom frustrations. It's really important for Aries to slow down and avoid reaching an early climax. Similarly, the "sheep-woman" might have come and "gone" before her partner even gets warmed up. Fortunately, Aries will do anything on a dare, especially if it involves chowing down on hot pepper. Cayenne could be nature's way of dilating Aries' blood vessels long enough to keep the passion going a little longer. In much the same way, honey can be applied to Aries' palette to soothe symptoms of sterility and banish impotence.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Noble Taurus is sensuous and caring, but because it's hard to get this person moving, sex comes about more slowly than most partners might like. To get Taurus to budge past the point of staring longingly into your eyes, pull out something that plays on the Bull's strength and penchant for sexual symbolism. Sprinkle nutmeg, the spice of strength and love magic, on to a portion of carrots or mashed sweet potatoes, and watch trace amounts of MDMA turn Taurus into an unstoppable passion machine. Or, serve up some creamy, smooth avocado. This uniquely seeded fruit hangs in pairs as it grows on the vine, and is a rich visual reminder of Taurus' potential virility and sexuality.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Distractible Gemini might not be thinking about sex at all times, and this sign's inherent duality can often lead to indecisive behavior. Your Gemini partner can appear to turn on and off at the drop of a hat -- or a click of the TV remote. Use cardamom to even things out. This aromatic spice cools down the hot and warms up the cold, confusing the hell out of Gemini, but definitely bringing attention to getting down to the business of sex. If the exotic curry doesn't go down too well, try popping a vanilla bean into Gemini's coffee or champagne -- the scent of lust could incite this elusive lover to develop a hornier, healthier one-track mind.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
The mother of all signs can be the kind of person that really believes sex is just for creating children, or so it might seem. It isn't easy to ply Cancers with food, as it's hard to get them to give up control over the kitchen. Don't worry, there are many routes into this gastronome's heart, and at least one of them begins in Cancer's sweet tooth. Remembering that this sentimental soul has a soft spot for all things that evoke childhood days, take a trip to your local penny candy dealer. Black licorice will wake up Cancer's sexuality by acting on the adrenals and bringing those hormone levels up to a point that will turn on Cancer's trance-like dance of orgasmic passion.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
Most people want to know what will turn Leo off, but if you're in a long-term relationship with this proud individual, there will be times when you'll need to bring back that old spark. Attracted to all things that remind them of the brilliant Sun that rules their sign, Leo people will become sexually aroused when fed yellow foods. Saffron, that flowery flavor found in Divish paella and Italian risotto, can improve the feminine sex drive. Bananas, meanwhile, will bring most Leo men's members to attention, and remind them of the importance of performing up to the standards of virility that the Leo legend is based upon.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Shy and retiring Virgo people can be pretty sexy, but not before they go through rituals that might make you think they're breaking a monk's or nun's vow. Surprisingly well-versed in technique and proficient in positions from missionary to the dirty Sanchez, Virgo can come alive rather quickly -- and often challenge partners to keep up with a vast store of sexual knowledge. Are you ready to be schooled? Feed your Virgo chocolate. One of the most obvious of the aphrodisiacs, cocoa lowers inhibitions and increases Virgo's desire to touch and be touched. Even if you fail to make that first orgasm completely perfect, Virgo will always encourage you to keep practicing.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Librans are all about the romance, and most will already bring along sexy lingerie, candlelight and flowers, whether real or virtual, to every date. Yet, this sign's indecisive nature can interfere with the business of getting to the good stuff of rubbing up against you. Libra often will need to be "warmed up" and enticed to stray from all else that looks beautiful, sounds harmonious or smells nice. Start by feeding your little darling garlic, which is definitely something that's better when shared together. When paired with ginger, this domineering aromatic flavor will break down Libra's aesthetically correct barriers and activate this sign's more libidinous impulses.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
That jazzy, rhythmic "come to me baby" music that instantly inspires the old bump 'n' grind is totally Scorpio's theme song. Most don't need much more than a glance in their direction as a cue to start acting out the sexual scenarios that run through their heads. In the rare event you come across a less pornographically-inclined Scorpio, it won't take much to change things. Wake up the bottom half of the body by introducing truffles or Portobello mushrooms to the top half. Scorpio is likely to drop eating utensils mid-meal, throw you on the table and demonstrate transformative acts of sex usually reserved for verboten corners of the World Wide Web.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
This not-so-subtle individual can be totally clueless when it comes to getting the hint, so don't be stingy whilst exercising the art of culinary sexual suggestion. A tray of oysters, arranged in a circle that's seemingly pleading to be penetrated, will get most Sagittarius men aroused enough to prove they don't need aphrodisiacs for anything. In the case of the female Centaur, her adventurous nature will easily extend to matters of sexuality, but you have to get her to stop talking about her latest trip to Trinidad and Tobago first. Ample servings of asparagus spears, pointedly suggesting your desire to open up the appropriate orifices, should do the trick.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
To this closeted-but-raunchy person, the mere suggestion that aphrodisiacs would be needed to initiate the sex act is laughable. If you want to impress the irrepressible Goat, you've got to be resourceful. Don't even try hiding your intention to lubricate the libido with food. Creating a challenge will get Capricorn's respect and cooperation much more quickly. This is the person for whom dancing with death equates with sexual arousal, because both things ask Capricorn to merge the need for individual achievement into the infinite sense of belonging. Rather than messing with marjoram or hot mustard, dare Capricorn to prove imperviousness and ingest the non-poisonous parts of the infamous Japanese puffer fish.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Every Aquarius lives in his or her head, where the world of love and sex is merely an arena for conquests by the "cool." It's never easy to get Aquarians to do what you want them to do -- it takes a lot to even get them close enough for a wet and sloppy kiss. Here's where some sexy foods can help you out. Cook with ginseng to increase the desire for physical contact of the up close and personal kind. Or, ply the Aquarian female with almond-flavored treats that are famous for softening the feminine resistance to sexual intrusion and raising carnal desire to a level beyond what you might call "Cold Fish."
Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20)
This is the sign that will instantly fall under the spell of most mind-altering substances, so it isn't too tough to get them swimming in more intimate directions. Alcohol, the never-fail elixir when it comes to lowering human inhibitions, is the easiest way to get Pisces to remember how good it can feel to live in the body long enough to have sex. A little liquid courage can also increase confidence, so Pisces won't be worrying about whether he or she is "good enough" to mate with you at any given time. Once the juices start to flow, you'll certainly thank the genius who first fermented the fruit of the vine.